It has been a little under the weather kind of week for myself. I was about to write not sure why but then I digress. I do know why & its a topic that makes me iffy to talk about. However alas as I vowed to be authentic here it comes.
It’s about this thing called “relationships”. I had a rough week not the worst but just a bit of a downer week.
I definitely blamed our cultural definition of relationship. I treasure authenticity more than everything and at times it serves against me.
We hear so many conflicting stuff on media that I feel it blinded our view. My so called “significant other” decided to go little “selfish” or so I concluded.
But how can we know who is right and who is wrong in this situation, I am not sure. I guess the best thing will be to have both of us see relationship counselor. That helped us in the past a bit, and so it probably wouldn’t hurt to see one again.
Small things just hurt me. I guess my so called “mentors” advised I should “do things as the significant other wishes” and it just makes me wonder if it’s because of my gender they said or was it for the sake of relationship. It’s hard to tell.
Let’s assume the mentors said because of my gender that makes me sad and wonder about my sexuality (well actually my in securities or the culture’s bias of women). I never denied the existence of this masculinity favoring bias however this coming from the close mentors that makes me question my trust of my mentors. It makes me even confused as I let them guide basically my entire life.
So the next question becomes, am I really in control of my destiny or does someone control me based on their bias.
Regardless, I love this significant other dearly & may be that is the reason it hurts. I practically can’t imagine myself without him which is so much of a dangerous thinking (I say).
I don’t want to be obsessed at the same time I do. How can I balance it? That will be the question for me to find out in this thing called life and relationship I guess😕
I guess I just wish things were easy, oh how I wish…